


Sweeter than fiction (part 2)

by ylc



Series: Misunderstandings and other obstacles for love [13]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Hopeful Ending, Self Confidence Issues, Trans Character, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 18:32:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5976913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ylc/pseuds/ylc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the dragon has been slay and the princess has claimed her Kingdom back, does she finally get to live happily ever after?</p>
<p>And so begins another arc of the "of misunderstandings and other obstacles for love" verse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweeter than fiction (part 2)

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know what’s up with my need for angst. I love working on this verse, but why must I write so much angst for it?  
> Well… enjoy?

With Erebor reclaimed, life was meant to be (nearly) perfect.

It isn’t. If anything, Thorin feels worse than ever before, now constantly under a million eyes’ scrutiny. After she became head of Ered Luin the press had taken interest in her and what they insisted on describing as her ‘inspiring story’ and she hadn’t completely minded, because it served an important purpose: positive publicity.

Her ‘fame’ had gotten them investors and open doors that had been previously closed to her due her father’s influences. In theory, it should work even better now, with the name of Erebor backing her up and yet-

The press has a nasty tendency to turn on you when you least expect it. If the general media had been supportive and if not, cautious, now there seems to be a whole new sector that enjoys bringing her down and making her as uncomfortable as possible.

So, all in all, these last few months have been hell.

Since things with Bilbo hadn’t been good either, she had been in a very bad place. She knows her own strength and is quite proud of it, but half of the time she felt like she couldn’t carry on. Now, with things going better at home she doesn’t feel as depressed as before, but it’s certainly far for optimal.

The world’s opinion shouldn’t matter. She knows that the people who do matter, support her and believe in her (except her father, but she’s not going down that particular rabbit hole anytime soon) So, for all intents and purposes, she should be fine.

And yet-

She eyes the pile of invitations on her desk. Her sister informed her earlier that she should pick 2 charity events to attend to and to which interviews she’d agree to give. Dís makes a great work as Head of Public Relations and Thorin is glad for her help, but this- this-

She takes a deep breath, forcing herself not to panic. It comes with territory, dealing with all sort of people. She can do this: she can put on a smile and face the cruel world. Isn’t that what she has been doing her whole life, after all?

And yet-

* * *

 

It’s a nightmare. Some days she just feels like quitting: the weight of the world is too much for her shoulders. But she still has her pride and her sense of self worth and so she tries and tries and  _ tries,  _ no matter how much it hurts. The people around her help, keeping her thoughts from taking very dark turns but-

It’s not fair. It’s not fair to ask her to simply smile and endure, no one could keep up like this forever. But she knows she’s expected to, that every weakness will cost her dearly. She must stay strong, no matter how hard it is.

She’s a bit of an icon now; a true  _ inspiring story  _ as the press likes to call her. And they would also love to watch her fall and pick on the broken pieces, to point out just how many things were  _ wrong  _ with her, how obviously  _ uninspiring  _ she really is.

But the thing is she never aimed to inspire; she just wanted to live her life. To be happy, to feel fulfilled. Is it too much to ask?

Of course it is.

* * *

 

“What’s wrong?” Bilbo asks one night and while Thorin has been avoiding answering that particular question for what feels like a lifetime, tonight she finally cracks. It’s not even a conscious decision; one minute she’s holding herself stoically and the next she has collapsed into her husband’s arms, crying at her heart’s content.

“I can’t do this anymore” she whispers between sobs, her whole body shaking with each pained whimper. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“What-?” Bilbo begins, sounding truly confused and Thorin just cries harder, because no one really understands what she feels. She just- She wishes-

Bilbo holds her tighter, rubbing soothing circles over her back. For the longest time, the only sound that can be heard inside the house is Thorin’s sobs and after a while, she’s too tired to continue making any noise.

“I think-” Bilbo whispers, pressing his lips against the top of her head, worry evident on his tone. “You need to see someone. I- I try Thorin, we all do. We all want to be there for you but there are things- there are things you need to do for yourself. And I’m afraid this particular matter is one of them.”

Thorin sighs, suddenly feeling even more tired. “What use would it be? I just can’t-”

“I know you’re constantly under a lot of pressure. And that would be bad enough, but with your… situation, I understand you have a harder time trying to deal with… well, everything. I just think maybe you need some- professional help. Someone that can help you work through your issues so you don’t feel quite as- so you don’t feel like you’re constantly failing everyone, not to mention yourself.”

Thorin chuckles humorlessly. Despite all the emotional constipation Bilbo can show on occasion, he also can display quite a bit of insight at times. “You know I don’t really like- talking things through.”

She can feel Bilbo nodding. “It won’t be easy but- I think it would be for the best. In the long run… I do think that’s the only thing that would actually help.”

Thorin can’t really argue with that.

* * *

 

Finding a therapist promises to be a torture. Finding someone she feels comfortable enough to disclose her life story… yes, that sounds quite tricky. Heck, not even Bilbo knows most of the things that go through her head!

But her husband is right, of course. Until she really, really works through her issues, there’ll always be a dark cloud hovering over her, ready to rain over her parade. Any other solution is temporary at best and there’s only so much her family and friends can help her with.

So she begins her search. She doesn’t expect it to be easy or to find a magical solution for her problems, but she does hope to find a way to make steady and more important, permanent, progress.

She’ll be fine, one day. No, better than fine; she’ll be comfortable in her own skin.

Yes, that’s most definitely something to look forward.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m moving towards another story arc, as you can see. I don’t plan to write much of Thorin’s road to be more comfortable with herself, because I don’t really know how to, but well… there are things on that route that I want to explore so… I have a sort of plan, I promise!   
> Let me know what you thought? And remember that suggestions are always appreciated!


End file.
